We’ve done some sick things while unimaginably drunk. We even kept some of their phone numbers. Bottled Instinct Vaginal Beer proves beyond a possible shadow of a doubt that there is always a deeper shame.
It is a rare and beautiful instant, that moment when alcohol is actually the finished product of awful judgment. Hell, we can’t honestly say the concept we’re about to attempt to explain wasn’t, in fact, inspired by downing every single drop of some of the very worst hooch no living thing should ever be allowed in contact with again.
Beer originates from living things breaking down sugars into alcohol, gases, and acids. It’s already a strange enough to think of some village goober circa 9500 BC who happened upon rotting food, consumed some of it, became the first human (though far from the last) to plow a slow-witted donkey while intoxicated, and then committed himself to replicating the experience. Many millennia later, Poland’s The Order of Yoni has raised the stakes “Triple-Dog-Dare You To Drink That” by adding the vaginal bacteria of Czech model Alexandra Brendlova.
If you’ve ever sworn on your children’s eyes that you would guzzle a singularly beautiful woman’s bathwater, it’s time to put your money and her special drink where your mouth is.
It starts with a gynecological stick containing genuine bacteria from her vagina being sent to a laboratory for isolating, cleaning, identification, and eventual multiplication. Once technicians have replicated the coochie culture and prepared starter kits for the brewery, an examination for alien DNA and/or RNA confirms that only the finest, cleanest lyophilized lactobacillus bacteria end up in the brew.
Adding the cultures to water, wood chips, yeast, Czech Kasbek and American cascade hops, and Pilsner, Munich, caramel and roasted hops produces a sour ale that supposedly contains “femininity, sensuality, charm, passion, and sexuality”. If any of you should contribute to Bottled Instinct Vaginal Beer’s success, The Order of Yoni’s Indiegogo campaign promises, future beers containing the genital leavings of blonde and redheaded models or celebrities could follow, along with five more pussy-free brews themed after feminine worship.
These may be great tastes that go great together. That doesn’t mean we’re climbing over each other to chug them from the same bottle.
Source – IfItsHipItsHere
