Finger Slugs Let You Shove Your Finger Up A Banana Slug’s Ass For Creepy Comedy

If you can tell us you have never looked at a five-inch-long banana slug and wanted to make a whimsical puppet of it by cramming a finger up its anus, we simply cannot be friends. Additionally, if you have never wanted to fit four or five onto your digits and present them as a tiny boy band covering the first Backstreet Boys album – you know, the one before they went mainstream – then we would really rather not live on the same planet as you.

OK, let’s be fair: Finger Slugs are fine little substitutes if you find anal violation too high a price for any creature to pay for your singular take on marionette theater. In fact, we could see how these fairly lifelike imitators could be seen as an improvement on our artistic vision of Ariolimax musical performance art. After all, you can order a 36-count bulk quantity of Finger Slugs to mount a rousing production of “Brigadoon” with a little help from a few pals and stick nary a fingertip among you the wrong way up an actually banana slug’s pooper.