You cannot deceive these Black Like My Soul Marshmallows with that inky void comprising the furthest recesses of your being.
Even a hollow, heartless husk wouldn’t dare resist this morose foodstuff’s indulgently sweet vanilla taste. Relinquish your desperate, clinging grip on rainbow-crapping unicorns and other such colorful flavors of tripe. Slightly boob-shaped tufts of edible fluff coated liberally with scrumptious black sugar crystals await you within this generous 280-gram jar. There, you shall find salvation from sing-song merriment and experience the genuine happiness only the cold and forsaken find buried within delicious misery.
Every morsel you devour brings you just a small step closer to putting on your Dashboard Confessional vinyl and crying over your long-neglected LiveJournal. Give in, you vacant-hearted deviant. Drown the bliss of your favorite cocoa in the dark humor and existential sorrow of Black Like My Soul Marshmallows.