We aren’t saying this Giant 3D Octopus Kite conclusively demonstrates the ocean of shit humanity will sink into if evolution ever takes cephalopods on an unexpected airborne joyride. We’re definitely warning everyone that our contingency subterranean bunker/seafood cafe will be closed Sundays, Mondays, and all federal bank holidays.
Not buying the threat? Mosey over to YouTube. You’ll find clips of octopi who think nothing of practically sprinting over seaside rocks to nab prey that won’t make hunting down lunch easy by just wandering into the water. It isn’t exactly unusual for these soft, creepy critters to even scale the sides of tanks and out of water in captivity. When we see this gargantuan black 3D parafoil octopus waver on the wind, it’s no stretch at all for us to imagine its eight arms swatting down planes anywhere from 24 to 100 feet away, depending on the model.
Don’t believe us? Hey, your funeral. Just don’t expect any sympathy if our office’s anti-octopus artillery takes down a passenger plane where you just happen to be flying coach and watching “Air Bud” while we rain piping hot seafood down onto the West Coast. If it rolls on at least two wheels and can out-maneuver anything with eight arms, it’s fine enough travel for us, thanks.