Cthulhu Space Hopper Commands You: Sit On His Face And Tell Him That You Love Him!

Cthulhu-Space-Hopper-Ball-1Cthulhu-Space-Hopper-Ball-3Oh, my. Oh, dear. Look, The Great Old Ones have never exactly had fuzzy-bunny feelings for humanity, but something about repeatedly thumping our asses on this Cthulhu Space Hopper just makes us nervous that the all-powerful man-octopus-dragon ruler of R’lyeh might just emerge from the depths to take rather violent offense.

Look, if you all want spread your legs over his face, yank on his wings and smush an eldritch god with your naughty bits – hey, whatever stretches your Armstrong. It’s a take on a delightful ’70s toy made for nerds to love. On the bright side, the big guy has a comfortable plush texture when inflated with the included pump and two valve adapters, as opposed to – well, hopping about atop a great scaly leviathan resembling Dr. Zoidberg after a bad bout of food poisoning.

(For the record, what an added bonus it would’ve been for Cthulhu to belch up fabric imitations of half-digested sea life on every down-bounce.)

Not into humping Cthulhu’s noggin? No problem. As it happens, the Cthulhu Space Hopper also makes one very handy stability ball.

8 Total Score
Unspeakable horror fun

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