You know, for all the life-altering advancements NASA’s groundbreaking interstellar endeavors have propelled forward since the late 1950s, it saddens us that the Space Masher represents the first we’ve ever heard of employing space-travel technology to further the cause of better side dishes for every American’s dinner table. Has no paragon engineer ever taken a respite from reaching for the stars and wondered, “Isn’t there a better way to prepare these potatoes? What good are all these touchstones of bold scientific ambition if they can’t add something scrumptious and starchy to complement this delectable Thanksgiving turkey?”
Yes, my good NASA imagineer, we deserve more from our trekking amongst the stars. Until reality catches up with our intrepid visions of better living through science, we’ll happily settle for making “WHOOSH!” noises while crushing our spuds with a plastic rocket’s trail of smoke. Why? Because we are intellectually mature adults, that’s why.