Don’t let us ever hear that a single one of you doled our a Zero Fucks Given Coin to a homeless person holding out a coffee cup. Do so, and you’ll discover that this pristine currency of the United States of No Fucks is actually redeemable for one free-of-charge karmic boot delivered same-day to your rectal cavern.
Now, everybody else, on the other hand? Fair game.
Co-worker wetting her pants with glee while she blathers on in tongues about what happened on E! last night when Kim Kardashian blew Sierra Leone’s national debt on a baby blanket? Here. Have a coin. Take it and the hint with our compliments.
Hipster dude desperately wants 15 minutes of your day to show off his clip-on man-bun? Wow. Conversation like that deserves a tip. Don’t spend it all in one place.
Anyone, anywhere, uses the word “sheeple” without a molecule of smirking irony in a sentence on Facebook? Take a picture of the Zero Fucks Given Coin and share. Think of it as an instant e-payment.
It’s the world’s most perfect, consistent exchange rate – zero fucks to one coin. This year, give the gift that says, “You are a rare flavor of stupid, and I want you to know it.”