Name it, Santa.
Whatever your gingerbread heart desires, you need but ask. A 100% adoption rate for all orphan dogs and cats throughout the continental United States? Fat Man, we know people who can “convince” anyone to buy anything – a bit roughly, if needed, but the ends vindicate their methods.
A cure for cancer? Pfft. Duane from Accounting has been brewing it in his bathtub and giving away 12-packs of it every Christmas since ’87 alongside his famous extra-cancer-causing Buffalo dip. Feed him Red Bull and Pixy Stix for lunch for a week straight, and cancer will be about as deadly as a Mexican-buffet farts.
We mean this. As long as the shimmering, ethereal glory of the XM42 Flamethrower showers us with its holy majesty from under our Christmas trees this year, our souls are your playthings to strap to bottle-rockets and fire at traffic, should you choose.
This apex of the glory of pyrotechnics is the one and only commercially available fully handheld grab-and-go portable flamethrower. The push of a button causes it to exhale a 25-foot stream of very real flaming fuel of your choice at anything that fire could ever make all better.
Snowblowers and shovels are for mortals. Your neighbors will tremble before your Promethean might – and maybe call the police – when you step outside to incinerate Frosty and launch the genocide of his wretched, soggy kind.
Once you’ve wiped out weeds from pavement cracks or gravel areas with a plume of flame, your Weed-Whacker will wet itself with shame beneath your gaze. This is also perfect for controlled burns, brush-clearing, and various agricultural uses.
Start bonfires. Orchestrate godlike pyrotechnic works of art. Best of all, assert your dominion over all insects everywhere by killing everything that flies, crawls, stings and bites with sweet, sweet fire.
Every XM42 Flamethrower comes with an installed 11.1 volt (3S) lithium-polymer 2200mAh battery, voltage tester, and balance charger (100-240V AC, US plug). Finally, customize your giver of flame with your choice of standard stocked color options when you choose a powdercoated model, or a non-stocked custom color for an additional $25. Please add an extra 1-2 weeks for delivery of non-stock-color customized flamethrowers.