There’s a dark, fearful recess of our mind that looks at the claw-handed ProDrone and thinks that if some oblivious chucklehead were to decide that “The Last Unicorn” needed an “updated reboot” to connect with today’s audiences, this would be Mommy Fortuna’s “harpy” for some reason.
Oh, don’t you dare look at us that way. Don’t even think about a dismissive comment telling us that nobody could ever mistake such a notion for a good idea. We exist within the same reality as you, where somebody convincingly made a case that the world needed a version of “The Cat In The Hat” with Mike Myers dishing out sex jokes in makeup that would make Tim Curry’s Pennywise dribble piss down to his shoes.
Not that we don’t exactly understand why that would seem tempting. The Japanese likely designed the PD6B-AW-ARM somewhat oblivious to the possibility that flying robots with dangling, clawed arms and a coldly technical name might unsettle anyone with an easily snatched baby, small pet, or Chipotle burrito. However, somebody apparently spoke up at the right time, so we now have the clearly 100%-less-threatening ProDrone.
OK, its unsettling aesthetics aside, that’s some actually some brilliant design. The long arms and gripping claws enable it to not only grab and lift objects into the air, but perch itself where an ordinary drone couldn’t securely land. Added versatility in its functions also rendered it more adaptable.
We would also be remiss if we didn’t point out that we’ve volunteered to field test its potential combat applications by pitting it against Amazon drones in low-altitude dog fights. Winner takes all our neighbor’s Christmas presents.
Come on. Look at it. This thing looks like something Green Lantern, Wonder Woman, Hawkgirl, and Superman would commission to both assist and take a little piss out of flightless non-powered heroes like Green Arrow and Batman whenever it’s time to take to the air. Come to think, give us a model with some flight stabilizers and propulsion engines and we know just exactly what we’d do:
As far back as we can remember, we always wanted to be bat-hang gliding, dropkicking cavemen. Our dreams are not yours to squash, world.
We may even try lifting an infant after all. We aren’t interested in kidnapping. In fact, it’s our baby. It’s just that…well, ever since we reported on that sunscreen-pooping seagull, we haven’t shaken the possibility that we could do it better.