Let’s look at one more reason we resent toddlers: they will never know the struggles of life on the road in the 60’s and 70’s.
We aren’t even bitter about our own rough roads traveled so that they would never have to walk those stony paths. Kids today will never understand the uncharted hell our parents braved to offer the generation after them a fighting chance at a better life.
For instance, when our elders wanted everything surrounding their Volkswagen bus to slow down to 2.5 mph while still driving safely, they had only one solution: every damn drug known to man and a few brand-new ones. Take them all at once. Drink the bong water. Lick every inch of that frog. When that generation says, “Time stood still when we would listen to Hendrix,” they meant they were more zonked enough out of their gourds to possibly see backward in time.
Toddlers today don’t need drugs to experience that same sensation of feeling like one is moving magnitudes slower than everything around them. They just need to hop aboard this Children’s Ride On Volkswagen Bus. They can take in the sleek, timeless beauty of its red-and-white trim, model-twin decorative windshield wipers, iconic bumper, and folding side mirrors. They can tinker with the two opening side doors and working headlights just like our parents did when trying to figure out which feature would actually speed time back up. The pedal actually accelerates when pressed while steering and releasing stops instantly and safely.
That’s a lot more than Mom and Dad can usually say about Uncle Bill’s driving after gobbling the brownies that were supposed to last all weekend in about five minutes.
Using the control panel, your little moon children can toggle between forward and reverse, power the headlights, and let the realistic engine and horn sounds rip from the speaker hidden inside the chassis. Complete the bizarre experience of watching a little clone of yourself that emerged from between another human being’s legs drive a tiny version of your old wheels by plugging an MP3 player into the built-in analog audio-in jack. Everything plays in surprising quality through an integrated speaker. Unfortunately, your spawn may grow up never fully appreciating just how much cleaner vinyl always sounds.
The strong, flexible polystyrene and polyethylene construction of the Children’s Ride On Volkswagen Bus supports one rider weighing up to 77 pounds. Its rechargeable 6V battery offers 90 minutes of drive time after an eight-hour AC adapter charge.