We love every one of Earth’s creatures, great and small. That being said, we’d eat a condor-egg omelette seasoned with the tears of beached blue whale and topped with extra-crispy baby seal back bacon before we ever let harm come to a unicorn.
They apparently weep glittery vodka with a deliciously sweet finish. There was also that one time we bought a Squatty Potty just because a unicorn used it to teach us how to poop better – and poured rainbow soft-serve out of its pucker! To think, we once could have sworn pigs were nature’s most magical animal just because ol’ Wilbur could give us bacon, ham, and ribs from a single carcass.
Just when we thought there might be some finite limit to these fantastic beasts’ gifts, Etsy-based confection creator LittleStinkerLLC joins the long list of people to have made fools of us all with Bag of Unicorn Farts Cotton Candy. Oh, yes. No need to re-read that moniker. These shamans of sweets harnessed the airy appeal of magical flatulence and distilled this all-natural essence into 1 oz. bags of fluffy, kosher, gluten-free strawberry delight. Best of all, in honor of these mythical ponies’ noble spirits, 10% of all proceeds benefit the Unicorn Children’s Foundation, a charity dedicated to families of children and young adults coping with neurodiversity.
Eat a fart today. For the children.