Toadstool Mushroom Lunch Tote Might Explain Just How Mario And Luigi Fuel Up So Fast

The Toadstool Lunch Tote forced us to rethink everything we thought we knew about “Super Mario Bros.” Mind. Blown.

All this time, we’ve been supposing that the various mushrooms Mario and Luigi gobble throughout their repeated quests to rescue Princess Peach from Bowser’s scaly clutches contained potent doses of some otherworldly magic. After all, we scarf those things by the fistful several times a week without once gaining the power to turn bricks into bus fare with our fists.

Ordinarily, we just end up playing strip poker with the ThunderCats in Hell for two days and ignoring prank calls from Pikachu.

This hard-walled tote’s EVA lining and quality insulation propose an entirely separate theory: a carrying case such as this would keep quite a stash of sustenance fresh with a few chilled cold packs while durably protecting anything inside from being smashed. What if, instead of chomping an actual mushroom whole, the brothers simply stuff these spacious phony toadstools with ample nutritious sustenance they can grab on the go? After all, they open up so wide as to make unpacking a snap. Since they both keep seemingly visiting the same locales throughout the Mushroom Kingdom time and again, maybe they simply stow some non-perishable snacks in unobtrusive locations they can retrieve from on the run.

For all we know, Mario and Luigi have been gorging themselves on three-course gourmet meals prepared by the kingdom’s foremost nutritionist for maximum energy, supreme volumes of muscle-building protein, tons of calcium, and minimal fat.

We are through the looking glass, people.

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