“Must be a hell of a scary crack in your wall.”
Well, you would damn certainly know, Doctor, wouldn’t you? Just exactly whose TARDIS do you suppose that is hanging out of it?
Oh, that’s rude. Is that all we are now? Rude? Rude and not ginger?
OK, we take it back. The “not ginger” disappointment stings a little more than we prefer to show, but that’s no excuse for taking it out on you. Just hear us out.
Look, this room is like Grand Central Station for every ill-intentioned species across time and space. We could set our clock according to which invaders have arrived to either obliterate Earth or repurposes, enslave, and/or devour humankind.
Atraxi are right outside the bedroom window? Is it 8 a.m. already?
Warring factions of Cybermen and Daleks just reduced the bathrooms to rubble? Must be noon. Who wants tacos?
Sontaran platoon marching past the office? Well, it’s 5 p.m. at last, and not a moment too soon. It’s Happy Hour and we suddenly have an unstoppable craving for potato skins.
Just leave the blue box exactly where it is. Forget the crack. When the roof lantern blinks and the windows light up, monsters make themselves scarce. We won’t tell anybody it’s actually a time machine with a janky chameleon circuit. We’re sure ThinkGeek can’t wait to market battery-operated “TARDIS Vortex Wall Light” replicas just to make a few quick bucks confusing everyone from Davros and The Master to the Judoon and Silurians as to just where The Doctor was last seen. If enough people buy enough lights, nobody will be the wiser as to which one is the genuine TARDIS and we can afford to clean up all this busted drywall. Thanks for that, by the way.