A piping-hot cup of tea’s wondrous soothing power is downright magical. Knowing that much, perhaps you would like to explain why you insist on brewing such an ethereally pleasing spot of steamy therapy using humdrum little pouches of shredded leaves instead of stowing those life-affirming herbs in the bowels of this ...
Ordinarily, we would regard anyone slurping noodles from the hollowed-out head of a unicorn as the kind of person who dresses to show off an Olympic gold medal in kitten-kicking for a first date. The Elodie the Unicorn Ramen Bowl makes us think we’d be proud to share the medal stand wearing bronze or silver. ...
New and exclusive to Firebox, Unicorn Tears Gin Liqueur Miniatures allow you a satisfying trial taste of the shimmery sauce before committing to a bigger bottle of a mythical woodland beast’s distilled sadness. Discerning palates who prefer their adult libations with a dash of enchanted whimsy dig Unicorn Tears as ...
We are developing some serious suspicious doubts about this assumption that unicorns are either phenomenally rare or entirely nonexistent. Either there's a vast conspiracy afoot concealing innumerable roving herds of these stunning magical beasts, or someone is making a mint off the same poor individual creature ...
Don't jump to any conclusions about our Unicorn Light-Up Slippers. We didn't need to slaughter two mythical horned beasts to traipse about our living room on chilly weekend mornings in magically adorable fashion. The baby unicorns volunteered. Honest. Humbled though we are by the willing sacrifice of such ...
Believe it or not, yes, we have given some thought to just how zoological research should proceed in the event that someone discovers a real-life unicorn living in the wild. This Unicorn Poop Stuffed Scarf encapsulates so very many of our questions. Since Doodle the Unicorn bears a striking, almost suspicious ...
We love every one of Earth's creatures, great and small. That being said, we'd eat a condor-egg omelette seasoned with the tears of beached blue whale and topped with extra-crispy baby seal back bacon before we ever let harm come to a unicorn. They apparently weep glittery vodka with a deliciously sweet finish. ...
This Magical Unicorn Onesie makes daily wardrobe decisions downright elementary. Why, when you could don the skin of the most magical and majestic beast in all this earthly realm, would you entertain wearing anything else? Look, this singularly stunning beast shed its tears, blood, and very skin for you to have a ...
Who says you have to grow up and stop believing in unicorns? No matter how old you are, unicorns never get old, they are timeless, mystical creatures that appear to those worthy of their pure magic. If you still believe in unicorns, or you just like the way they look because of their colorful cuteness, then you can ...
Mind if we level with you for a moment? Here goes: you can't tame a unicorn. We don't mean that no human is so bold, strong, and noble. We're saying, you couldn't put a Pomeranian in its place, let alone a majestic, powerful horned horse of legend. Now, an eight-foot Floaty Inflatable Rainbow Unicorn? Well, we're ...
Yes, welcome to Peter S. Beagle's private booth in Hell - still being alive, this great man himself hasn't even seen this exclusive preview: Unicorn Dust, a spangle-laden paint that could only be a byproduct of this realm's rarest, most beautiful and revered magical guardian of the woodlands. You know what? We draw ...
We feel like we just watched Don Draper's most terrifying fever dream. Even so, we kind of want a Squatty Potty almost as badly as we want to genetically engineer a softserve-shitting mythical horsey. The bad news, right up front: the Squatty Potty has nothing to do with whether or not you can or cannot actually ...
Any mortal who drinks the blood of a unicorn receives eternal life, but it's a cursed, half-life. Moral to take away from this? Don't be a moron. Skip the blood, drink Unicorn Tears Gin Liqueur, get blotto, and get your Candy Mountain on while skipping that horrific not-quite-dead hangover. Now, the intoxicating ...
We like to imagine there's a cut of David Fincher's SE7EN out there in which Kevin Spacey's hired delivery driver cocks up the package labels and instead of staring down at Gwyneth Paltrow's lopped-off head, he just stares confused at this charming masterpiece from the Peter S. Beagle's Nightmares Signature Taxidermy ...
Jason Lazarus