You know, kids, this is blossoming into a theme we’re detecting lately: nerds let imaginations run wild at the cost of ignoring the question, “How much improvement did this really need?”
We’ve seen 50cc engines strapped to skateboards. We’ve come across electric-powered surfboards taht scoff at needing waves at all and skid across still water like jet-skis. We’ve seen rings armed with lasers hot enough to incinerate fabric and scorch walls – OK, that one is more an example of “Sweet Jesus, I can’t throw money at my screen hard enough.”
Look. As tools go, the machete is ostensibly the great white shark of all hand tools. It has evolved precious little since about its earliest 13th-century ancestor, except to actually get bigger. That’s because it hasn’t needed to evolve. One swing reduces wood to crude toothpicks, downsizes vegetation to lawn clippings, and cuts a New York strip out of just about any living thing in its blade’s way.
Incredibly, Instructables member Seamster wanted more. Behold, the Swiss-Army Machete. Danny Trejo has a very real, very frightening erection right now.
Yes, this is a technically functional thing, if perhaps a bit impractical. The 20″-long tool fits comfortably into a 31.5″ case. That’s because almost two feet of violent versatility happens to contain a pipe wrench, auger, hatchet, adjustable wrench….oh, yeah, and the BMF machete itself.
You know something? Screw it. Sure, the minimum strength required to effectively wield this many-faceted dealer of melee death is tantamount to what enables Solid Snake to lug an entire National Guard armory’s stockpile on his back without tearing a hernia the size of a crack in time and space. We’re just going to let ourselves be good and impressed that someone took the time not only to design this, but to build a working prototype.