Star Wars: The Force Awakens Unnecessary Censorship Brings Out The Dark Side

For every Hollywood blockbuster, there’s a “What if…?” to ponder. What if Dave Chappelle hadn’t passed up playing Bubba in “Forrest Gump”? What if Jon Peters had actually found someone to fulfill his epic vision of a flightless Superman battling a giant mechanical spider while Brainiac throws down with polar bears? What if someone had slapped the bejeezus out of whoever suggested Topher Grace was the man to play Venom in “Spider-Man 3”?

Well, thanks to some generous unnecessary censorship, we will never again wonder what “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” would have been like under the direction of Quentin Tarantino.

Wow. No, thanks, C3PO. We don’t need to see your big red *BLEEP* to assure us it’s you. We’ll take your word for it.