If the month leading up to Christmas is America’s manic salute to gift-giving, marketing, and capitalism, then Halloween is our annual roasting of all things pop-culture.
Costumed kids travel from door to door and collect mountains of candy to bury the odd toothbrush, religious tract, or box of raisins. Meanwhile, grown-ups travel from bar to bar for ridiculously discounted drinks, along with the odd case of herpes from someone they may not remember by the next morning, let alone Halloween 2017. Either way, always beware anything a stranger offers you, because you never know what trick might be hitching a ride with your treat.
Some of the incredible things they offer are
Seriously, next to possibly Pi Day, May the Fourth, E3, or San Diego Comic-Con, there is no one yearly event more tailored to geeks from top to bottom. From children still knee-high to an Ewok to elders could pass as Gandalf the Grey on any given day between January and December, we all get to step out incognito and celebrate our favorite fictional and nonfictional larger-than-life figures, not to mention damn near everything to dominate headlines throughout the 12 months since last Halloween. If this is Geek Christmas, then Spirit Halloween is our sexy, kitschy, snarky Santa Claus….which, in itself, sounds like an incredible costume.
From honoring the two “Five Nights At Freddy’s” video games Scott Cawthon has released in the past 12 months to struggling to making light of just how truly ass-stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey America may find itself this November and covering every sign of the times in between, Spirit once more has costumes, props, and decorations suited to every sense of humor….
FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY’S
Hard to believe, we know, but Scott Cawthon has cranked out a whopping six games in this franchise centered on surviving murderous animatronics while locked inside a Chuck E. Cheese’s-style family restaurant. What makes that so incredible, you ask? Well, for starters, the first game debuted in 2014.
Of course, this was a franchise ripe for costumes this season, ranging from full-body adult costumes and pajamas for Freddy Fazbear and Chica to laplanders based on Foxy, Bonnie, Chica and Bonnie’s heads, 3D socks that make it look like you’ve buried your feet in each animatronic’s carcass, plastic Freddy masks for kids, and more for that one person who puts roughly Jeff Winger levels of effort into making a character “sexy” by pairing an obvious prop with skimpy clothing.
HARLEY QUINN
Let’s just be honest with each other: sure, we could have highlighted the entire line of “Suicide Squad” costumes from top to bottom. However, at least a few of you are already planning to play the drinking game of downing a shot every time you spot Harley Quinn specifically because you know you’ll ass-up passed out drunk in the bushes before 10 p.m.
That’s no knock against the great-looking Deadshot, Joker, and Killer Croc costumes, either – especially the full adult ones. We just have to acknowledge that a good 90% of the buzz following the movie around centered on the big-screen debut of Joker’s oft-abused lady love. To Spirit’s credit, there are actually some admirable options to go around. Adults have their pick from a few variations on her skimpy, slightly grungy and sexed-up look from the movie and kids have their choice from a few more appropriate variations on the same style.
Of course, if the movie left you entirely cold, there’s also an extensive selection suiting all ages emulating Harley’s less “updated” looks from her original “Batman: The Animated Series” appearance and subsequent introduction to DC comics.
GHOSTBUSTERS
Even if some of us found this summer’s “Ghostbusters” reboot disappointing in proportion to all the hype and controversy, we’ll give Paul Feig’s take its due: dressing up as a Ghostbuster has never been a more inclusive option.
Are you one of the embarrassing neckbeards who tried to throw down from the safe space behind a keyboard on anybody who wanted to give the new movie a chance? Are you a lifelong fan who peaceably loves either or both chapters in Ghostbusters history? Are you sexually aroused by the thought of dressing up in a full-body Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man costume? Spirit has all of the above and everyone in between fully covered, from actual clothing to prop proton packs.
Well, except those who dig on the “Adult Sexy Ghostbuster” costume.” You’re going to be uncovered where it’s supposed to…”count?” Eh, you knew what you signed up for.
Since this is a franchise for all ages, races, genders, etc., Spirit also has adorable Stay-Puft and ‘Buster outfits made for infants, children, and pets. Hey, ‘bustin’ should make anybody feel good.
DEADPOOL
This year, there will be but one drinking game more ill-advised than the aforementioned Harley Quinn challenge: just substitute Deadpool. If the former blacks you out two hours before Nov. 1, sucking back booze for each variation on the Merc with a Mouth will have you ass-over-chimichangas a good two hours earlier. Try it. Send us pictures.
There isn’t an option Spirit hasn’t covered. You have costume-style hoodies, jogger pants, t-shirts, and pajamas. There’s a full-size deluxe adult costume with all the trimmings. For the ladies, there’s everything from a Deadpool-style party dress to knee-high socks, leggings, and a front-zip corset.
Because, of course, Sexy Deadpool.
Pick up a couple beanies. Grab a laplander. If your costume is especially basic and/or lazy, just buy a Deadpool mask. It’s as though Spirit somehow knew that Deadpool is every geek’s default “I have no idea what the hell to cosplay, and I want to look just like 10,000 other people, anyway” option.
TRUMP AND HILLARY
That thing we said before, wherein we implied that Deadpool and Harley Quinn would run neck-and-neck as this Halloween’s most trendy, unimaginative costumes? Forget it. For a nanosecond, we allowed ourselves to forget that Halloween falls less than a week before Election Day.
It makes not one iota of difference to us who you think has the lowest likelihood of screwing the pooch for the next four years at President of the United States. Whether you’re all-in for Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton, you’ll find a costume that picks a fight with the other side. Think of every goofy-ass expression the press has captured and plastered above stories covering both campaigns. Hillary’s Nicholas Cage-like glee at a shower of balloons at the Democratic National Convention? Yep, there’s a mask freezing that moment in all its wide-eyed, pants-shittingly terrifying glee. Trump’s shit-eating smug smirk? Your female and minority friends will love it.
There’s even a snapback cap that makes it look like someone scalped Trump and fashioned his skin into a festive hat.
Wigs. Suits. Masks. Toilet paper. Bumper Stickers. Ties. This year, nothing terrifies us quite like the truth.
DECORATIONS & ANIMATRONICS
Credit where it’s due, Spirit Halloween has rolled out some truly spectacular animatronic decorations to really set the Halloween season in motion on the right note.
These aren’t the standard cheaply designed figurines you spot every year at Walmart, either. On the contrary, you can choose from a wide array of chillingly detailed howling werewolves, swinging scarecrows, floating specters, other ghastly creatures ranging in height from the 2.5-foot animated Cerberus that spits smoke and a four-foot-tall werewolf to ghosts, zombies, and demons standing up to seven feet. Top off your front lawn with zombies that crawl up from the ground, a 19-inch arm that reaches from behind a tombstone to grab passersby, and even a roaming antique-looking clown with murder in its eyes.
Last, but not least, don’t despair if you can’t find exactly the costume you have in mind. Spirit Halloween offers a terrifically versatile build-your-own-costume service that lets you combine bits and pieces from various outfits, masks, makeup sets, and props to stick as closely as possible to your vision.
