We are absolutely fine with Design Toscano’s wall-mounted Shark Attack Bathroom Toilet Paper Holder.
Menacing? Sure, Bruce looks like someone left something smelly in his Corn Flakes. Ordinarily, we wouldn’t put our digits anywhere near a minimally evolved prehistoric eating machine looking at us like chicken nuggets that scream and panic amusingly when bitten – even one so finely sculpted as this guy. Still, there’s something unique about the intricate details of this hand-painted resin fixture with our Charmin nestled between its gaping, jagged-toothed maw and tail. Something makes us welcome our finny friend with open arms.
It’s as simple as this: a shark on our wall is one less shark waiting in our toilet to chomp our naughty bits. What makes us think we have sharks in our toilet, you ask? Sharks live in water. Our toilets are full of water. Why wouldn’t we worry? Why aren’t any of you more concerned about this? When it turns out the sharks were only spreading that story about attacking in tornadoes as a distraction to cover up their mass outhouse infiltration, don’t come crying to us when this problem swims up and bites you on the ass.