ThinkGeek, you have earned our congratulations. It’s a bold new clientele you’ve chosen to serve, starting apparently with this Scary Tapping Peeper window hanging: suburban sociopaths.
Has your daily life’s quotient of “Hey, y’all, watch this!” not yet reached critical mass? Hang this animatronic orgasm of instant misunderstandings on the outside of any home’s window and wait. Once hung with its included suction cups and fishing line, this head-and-shoulders figure’s face shrouded by a black hoodie will stare unblinking through the glass while the mechanized finger on one of its hands will, depending on the setting you choose, either tap the window three times every 10 seconds…or come a-rapping every time it detects motion.
Our advice? Spread the whimsy around. Hang Chester the Molester here in a new window every night throughout October. If amusement at the sudden fear and violent protective anger of others isn’t exactly your belly of laughs, look on the bright side: you’re about to ignite a very spirited Second Amendment rights debate in your backyard as you and your neighbors gain a clearer and clearer picture of which Home-Owners Association and PTA members can and will shoot to kill.
If you happen to be kind enough to limit this gag’s welcoming tour to your own home, and you happen to be a married man, we might also recommend hiding your home’s usual implements of self-defense, assessing the sleeping comfort of your couch, and asking around about divorce attorneys’ case estimates in your area. If your new toy will be getting acquainted with neighbors’ homes, first and foremost, remember that nothing you do was even remotely our idea.
We strongly recommend keeping your new-found friend away from the elderly, pregnant women, children’s windows, and anybody that seems to become habitually nervous and agitated around the Fourth of July. Also, if you plan to stick around Ground Zero to watch the aftermath of your monkey shines, running a practice 40-yard dash first and do stay out of any possible lines of fire from the window.