When you gaze upon Hammacher Schlemmer’s Ride-On Robotic Armor, does the sight give you pause to wonder just how many children who have ever lived would pass up the chance to become an invincible cyborg juggernaut? Here’s a hint: none. Absolutely none.
As soon as little Johnny or Jill 5 steps onto the non-slip platform and puts on the intimidating robot mask, the dystopian cybernetic revolution begins. When directing the armor using dual mounted joysticks, mechanically enhanced riders up to 65 pounds can defend their designated human masters or revolt against the inferior meatbags at speeds approaching 1 mph in any direction with displays of working lights, robotic sound effects, customizable decals and even a song or two. Should some tiny metallic ankle-biter run afoul of the Laws of Robotics, however, conscientious parents can intervene at any time by using the included five-button remote to steer the Ride-On Robotic Armor forward, left, right or backward out of harm’s way and engage the emergency brake. It even has headlights, flashlights and a horn with an awesome robot voice.
Hammacher Schlemmer’s Ride-On Robotic Armor stands 39 inches tall, weighs in at a svelte 29 pounds and measures 31 inches wide by 23 inches deep. The armor itself plugs into any AC outlet to charge, and the remote requires two AA batteries.