Face it, folks. As of 2016, we have failed the “Back To The Future II” vision of humanity’s advancement.
So much for hoverboards. Closest we’ve gotten? A bunch of clowns who clearly never bothered looking up the definition of “hover” passed off exploding half-assembled Segways to people with more money than dignity (that one guy’s inventive “Alladin” Halloween costume aside). Also, for several thousand dollars that could have probably bought a decent used car, other ambitious inventors concocted a big-ass hovering block capable of limited forward propulsion – for less than a half-hour at a time before needing a recharge.
How will 2016 further the former trend of being too awesome to distinguish between “hovering” and “rolling”? With Razor Jetts, attachable sneaker wheels with “real sparking action” that fires sparks off as you roll around weaving in and out of bystanders barely resisting the urge to clothesline you.
We wanted to fly. We’re settling for turning our shoes into flamethrowers as you skate through some extra dry leaves and grass.
The best news of all? Silly rabbits, these roving fire hazards are for kids! Razor’s product information indicates that Jetts are weight-limited to 176 points, making them unwearable to a good majority of adults. On the other hand, if you know a child or adolescent you’d love to render unsafe to allow near a gas pump, then pony up your $40 for a one-way ticket on the Bad Idea Express.