Going to college, many of us have donated various things to to society to help good causes. Maybe you donated blood, books, clothing, hell, I’m sure one or two of you have even donated some sperm to make a quick buck (rather than it all going to waste :))
Move To Massachusetts And Poop 5 Days A Week
Well, now there is a real nonprofit organization located in Massachusetts that will give you cold hard cash upwards of up to $13,000 for doing something you’re probably doing every day for free anyway. Pooping. That’s right. Unless by some freak chance you’ve become constipated, they will pay you $40 every time you come in and stink of their offices. And if you’re consistent, they’ll even give you a bonus when you make it 5 days a week. So, by our calculations, that’s an easy $250 a week times 52 weeks a year. BOOM!BOOM!BOOM! times 260 days a year of pooping, that’s an incredible $13,000 a year. But of course there is a catch. You’ll find this out later.
How Is Your Poop Helping Sick People?
Everyone poops right? What could they be using all this poop for? Since 2013, OpenBiome has been collecting, and shipping poop around the USA. Yes, we know it sounds like a college prank, but there is a legitimate reason to keep people healthy with your poop. You see, the stool is frozen and given to people via endoscopy, capsules, or nasal tubes so that doctors can eradiate C. difficile in patients. C. difficile is a bacterial infection, that causes extreme gastrointestinal distress so bad that people can’t even leave the house. The only way to effectively treat it is by finding poo donors that have healthy fecal matter. Some patients get so desperate that they turn to people they know to get what is sure to be the next street crack of the 80’s. This is why the founders of OpenBiome opened up this poop bank. To date, they have distributed over 2000 treatments to 185 hospitals.
So, How Healthy Are You?
So, whats the catch you ask? The catch is that the pooper needs to be ridiculously healthy between 18-50 and a BMI of under 30. It’s not like you can just walk up there with a bag of poop and say, gimme my $40. Out of over 1000 pooping donors who applied, only 4% have actually passed the question and blood / stool testing. But wait. There’s more. Just to go through the screening process, OpeniBiome can pay as much as $5,000 in costs. So, they require you to come by frequently for at least 60 days.
The worst part is having to hold it in until you reach their facility. Lets hope you don’t have the squirts. So, every-time you take a power dump, that’s money you’re literally dumping down the toilet. No pun inteded.