Let us make something as clear as clear could be right now: forget the mood music, rose petals, expensive champagne that costs as much as your last mortgage payment, and diamond-studded nipple clamps. If you meet a very, VERY special somebody whose romantic pinnacle hinges upon the soft light of a Melting Toht Candle, you put a damn ring on it YESTERDAY, do you understand us?
Not a single special-effects death in movie history has meant the soiled demise of more tiny pairs of pants than the Ark of the Covenant instantly melting the face of a horrified and howling Major Arnold Ernst Toht in “Raiders Of The Lost Ark”.
You can’t say the scheming Gestapo bastard didn’t have it coming, but don’t even try to deny that his eyes rolling back and his flesh taking on the consistency of runny eggs (or, to be specific to the actual effect, alginate, your dentist’s chosen medium for taking impressions of your teeth) tainted your nightmares for a month or two at least afterward. Just the same, don’t try and tell us you haven’t broken a few poor, overworked remotes’ Rewind buttons over the years replaying that moment your childhood was soaked with urine on home video, DVD and Blu-ray editions.
Come on. Who wouldn’t want to watch actor Ronald Lacey’s mouth-agape face and signature spectacles, fedora and black leather coat slowly melt into zuppa di Nazi under a patiently burning flame?
As a nice little cherry on top, the Melting Toht Candle arrives in a cardboard presentation box fashioned in the style of a wooden crate. Always looked after by top men. Top. Men.