Life-like Fish Slippers Are The Mark Of A True “Catch”

There’s really no wrong way to let the world know you’d rather be fishing than doing whatever it is that’s actually devouring your time. Some people display a conspicuous “Gone Fishing” sign to let passersby know they’re merrily wetting a line. Others display the “decency” to fake a cold before buggering off to see what’s biting. We even know a few who would probably just leave a forwarding address for their last paychecks and a preferred box size for the day they come in to clean out their desks. If we’re being honest, one of our favorite moments in “Office Space” is when Peter slaps his giant catch down on his desk and commences cleaning it in the middle of business hours.

Why would anyone want these glorious Hand-Painted Fish Slippers, you ask? Here’s a better question: why the hell wouldn’t we? For starters, take in an eyeful of that magnificent detail. Who wouldn’t believe you had actually dug your cold little tootsies into the gills of a visibly horrified largemouth bass? They certainly had us fooled, right up until we wondered why we couldn’t press our toes right through their eyes.

Come on, though. No way you’re buying this fantastically fashionable fishy footwear strictly in the name of inexhaustible sex appeal. The ultralight, super-fine microfiber construction of their non-slip, elastic and shockproof soles lavishes your feet in exquisite comfort in ways a true dead fish never could and never will. Blame it on all that naturally slippery viscera, we suppose.

The true bonus? The days of your feet reeking like a swamp are over!

OK, let’s be fair: for some of you, those days will never be over. You know who you are. However, at least they never again have to smell that way on account of your feet being covered in fish carcasses.

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