Here at Unique Hunters, we heartily endorse parents toying with the impressionable young minds of their brood like kittens with balls of string. Some kids just won’t learn any other way that life isn’t “fair.”
That’s why we would like to propose a brand-new game to play this Christmas Eve. First, sit your little ragamuffins down and watch 2015’s holiday horror treat “Krampus.” Don’t bother correcting their terrified assumptions that there really is a murderous monster who punishes naughty children on the same night Santa makes his own rounds dispensing toys around the world. If and when they ask if Krampus is real, feign genuine uncertainty.
Take careful note if they leave trails of tears leading to their beds. As they slumber with visions of being cruelly dismembered dancing in their heads, wrap the little crumb-snatchers’ last presents in this Krampus Wrapping Paper.
Finally, take lots of pictures to send to us when they look at the paper in sobbing horror and you say with resignation dripping from your voice, “Well, I guess we know which one visited our house last night. Tough break.”