Krampus Trailer Foretells A December Christmas Massacre To Come

Just what the holly-jolly hell is it about absurdly non-Yuletide Christmas movies like THE KRAMPUS that make them the belles of the ball come December?

Our educated guess? Well, by the time Dec. 24 or so rolls around, at least half the sane men, women and children the world over have been inundated without a shred of mercy with a toxic, dissonant cocktail of “BUY EVERY-DAMN-THING AND BUY IT NOW!” demanding commercialism and ceaseless covers of about the same dozen or so Christmas carols mostly written at least a half-century ago, With all due respect to George Bailey’s euphoric post-attempted-suicide fugue state and Charlie Brown being roundly shamed by his peers and dog, catharsis demands that someone needs to die by the 25th, so better that it happens by John McClane’s hand or the Tenth Doctor putting the Sycorax in their place than one of us wielding a vengeance-boner and a nailgun.

If you’ve ever seen soccer moms at a Poughkeepsie Walmart the day after Thanksgiving doling out hip-checks like the Chicago Blackhawks’ first line, you know you have no valid argument.

On Dec. 4 this year, in the tradition of SANTA’S SLAY and SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT, it’s just about time we watch the unspeakable evil of the Underworld rain down slaughter on a bunch of mostly unlikeable people. In this case, it’s a banner cast led by PARKS AND RECREATION alum Adam Scott, UNITED STATES OF TARA star Toni Collette and ANCHORMAN supporting player David Koechner as a tribe of snowed-in bickering Bickersons. Judging from the trailer, after one of the family’s children flings a shredded letter to Santa out the window, the mythical and vengeful Krampus comes a-caroling to make sure the family that can’t behave together, lays in graves together.

Merry Christmas, everyone. Behave or die.

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