It’s your boss. It’s your neighbor who keeps mistaking your front yard for his St. Bernard’s toilet. It’s the jackass in the Hummer who cut you off slicing across three lanes of traffic or the doofus in the Prius who figures that if the speed limit is 65, driving an extra-super-safe 40 must be even better.
It’s Donald Trump. It’s Michael Bay. It’s the parent convinced that the surest way to silence a howling six-year-old is to drown him out by streaming THE ANNOYING ORANGE to an iPad and showing the little crumb-snatcher how the volume controls work. Whoever has you ready to go on a baby-punting expedition to the nearest state where you don’t have criminal warrants out, you can’t beat them down. You can always beat your meat.
With enough imagination and the DCi Knuckle Pounder Meat Tenderizer, that heavenly, marbled Porterhouse becomes your inner-Chuck Liddell’s playground. Instead of laying waste to whoever is turning your screws, don these handy heavy aluminum alloy knuckles, get comfortable with the grooved grip, and lay into that slab of beef until Imaginary Justin Bieber has the speech center of his brain pouring out his nostrils in a fine paste.
Tyler James Lopez