The Fiona Blackfish hanging chair is the next-best accoutrement to a certain other bad-ass throne our asses will never grace.
Oh, they told us our quest was folly when we sought to cop a squat in the mouth of an adult killer whale. By “they”, we of course mean SeaWorld security. As long as we’re being honest, “folly” isn’t an entirely accurate description. If we’re to quote exactly, it was more like, “Were you raised under power lines? Get out of the whale tank immediately, you pants-on-head ‘nanners Darwin Award finalists.”
Until we saw South African designer Porky Hefer’s six-piece Design Miami 2015 showcase of handcrafted animal-themed “nest” furniture, titled Monstera Deliciosa, we were certain that our 500-foot restraining order barring us from getting near Shamu ever again had hammered a final nail in our dream’s coffin. Maybe, just maybe, we may yet fart gleefully on the bubblegum tongue of a 9,000-pound oceanic eating machine and live to avoid prosecution.
The stitched grey, black and white leather exterior of Fiona Blackfish features accurately shaped flippers and tail and dorsal fins. Inside her mouth, a pink furry “tongue” seat encircled by leather teeth awaits a worthy tuchus. It hangs from a spiced length of red rope, knotted in a style commonly employed on yachts when an extra-strength tether is needed.
Hefer’s collection also includes singular furniture in the likenesses of a crocodile, manta ray, angler fish, pelican, and puffer fish.