Look, if we haven’t made it crystal-clear by now, we enthusiastically – and very cautiously – support spoiling cats rotten. We assume this submissive position not because we really like them, but because they are genuinely devious little adorable assholes who know great and powerful magicks.
Hey, dismiss all you like. Ever read HITCHHIKER’S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY? That bit about how two white lab mice were the undisputed most intelligent creatures inhabiting Earth? Every dead mouse laid at your feet is a message: “Now, just what do you suppose I could do to YOU if I were so inclined?”
Remind us, who was it in the second series of the revived DOCTOR WHO that cured every single one of the universe’s diseases by simultaneously infecting humans with every single one of the universe’s diseases? Cats. Giant cat nuns.
For every cat that manages to squeeze itself into impossibly tight places without a second though, seems to know just when we’re trying to type and where the ESC and backspace keys are, and terrifies us by somehow turning the oven on every time it tries to infiltrate the kitchen cabinets for treats, there’s this Inflatable Wizard Hat. Because, frankly, we want to live.
Fine. You win. You all win. You are magical creatures of greater intelligence than us, your lowly litter-box attendants and fetchers of Fancy Feast. We honor you with this 6.5″-tall hat that we now bind to you with the mythical strength of elastic straps. It even glows in the dark.
You’re officially wizards. All of you. Please, don’t kill us.