Hatching Dinosaur Candle Is The Safer Way To A Pet Baby Velociraptor

Had InGen simply downshifted a few gears after the first Jurassic Park tragically failed, we can’t help but think Hatching Dinosaur Candles such as these could’ve capitalized on the deadly tragedy’s notoriety in seriously profitable fashion.

OK, so you tried opening your own grand Busch Gardens replete with beasts Mother Nature very clearly had a damn good reason for clearing from the decks before allowing ancestral man onto the planet’s playing field. That went about as well as trying to raise a cattle herd in the middle of a lion sanctuary. The good news being, this Titanic-meets-iceberg moment in the history of bioengineering is so globally notorious, who wouldn’t want an adorable tchotchke commemmorating one of the very worst in the long, storied history of bad ideas?

Something like, say, a wax-egg candle that melts away to reveal a sweet baby velociraptor? Eh?

Here’s the wonderful news for us all: first, these amusing trick candles aren’t making a fast buck off real people that real dinosaurs savagely killed; second, they’re a great little wink to Michael Crichton’s classic world of adventure that Steven Spielberg first brought to life on the big sceen over 20 years ago – not to mention, a gold-standard metaphor for every bad idea born of being “so preoccupied with whether or not you could that you didn’t stop to think if you should.”

Quite possibly best of all? Even once the candle has burned to nothing and you’ve wipes the lingering black soot from the baby raptor itty-bitty face, you still have a great-looking desk ornament or paper weight left behind to do your bidding…provided your bidding is limited to, “Sit somewhere and stare vacantly at everything in front of you.”



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