The night is dark and full of gnomes. Snatch one of the bearded little bastards up by the pants and let him earn his keep defending the garden of your own little slice of Westeros from rabbits.
Sure, he could stare Tyrion Lannister in the eye standing footed, but BigMouth Inc.’s Game of Gnomes Garden Gnome is all the captain your Night’s Watch needs. He sits the Iron Throne in fine style, despite one well-kept secret: he’s as tall sitting down as he is standing up. Oh, well. When it’s win or die, there are more important things than being able to reach top shelves.
Such as, say, having a ridiculously low center of gravity, a beard of legend, and a sweet hat.