Evil Hot Gummi Bears Confirm Existence Of Pure Evil Chefs On Earth

After witnessing the in-no-way-subtley-masturbatory catharsis of the Stress Sausage, we felt certain the good people of Firebox were…well, good people.

We are no longer so certain we haven’t allied ourselves with unspeakable evil. Exhibit A: HABANERO-INF– — USED GUMMI BEARS.

So, what’s in store thanks to this age-old curse upon House Goldilocks? Oh, just an unassuming gelatinous treat that bleeds the very taste of Hell itself. NBD.

Make no mistake: the Baby Bear is a vengeful tyke who has scorned humankind after a single curious encounter with one intrusive blonde bint, and make no mistake, the itty-bitty cub has come to cleanse your mouth with fire. Beware, these look virtually indistinguishable from Maribo’s genuine article. Blend these in with your next party’s bowl of treats at your discretion. Just don’t forget that you put them there, or you may next demonstrate fearful self-sacrificing spirit as you declare, “Gotcha!” between your own sobbing, sweating gasps.

Evil Hot Gummi Bears

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