Any mortal who drinks the blood of a unicorn receives eternal life, but it’s a cursed, half-life.
Moral to take away from this? Don’t be a moron. Skip the blood, drink Unicorn Tears Gin Liqueur, get blotto, and get your Candy Mountain on while skipping that horrific not-quite-dead hangover.
Now, the intoxicating sweetness of unicorn sadness can be yours, ours and the world’s without finding an emotional weak spot that brings down one of these majestic beasts. Once upon a time, it was a matter of hours of Tim Curry telling unicorns what disappointments they were to their parents or about 30 seconds of Mia Sara’s singing to bring a unicorn to its knees with enough tears to barely get a buzz on. Well, no longer!
As it happens, marry a liqueur’s sweetness with gin’s distinctive richness and just the right touch of glimmering 100%-edible silver pieces, and the Red Bull himself couldn’t pass a taste-test between true unicorn tears and this concoction’s decadent palate of maple syrup and candied orange peels with hints of piney juniper berries and spicey cardarom. This liqueur has a sweet fresh-citrus finish that never seems to end and will sweep you away to a juicy orange paradise with every sip.
Remember, savor responsibly. 
