We’re working on the EDIBLE floating doughnuts that cradle your red Solo cups while you patrol the pool. We swear. Unfortunately, every additive we’ve infused to ensure to prevent soggy crumbling has resulted in hair loss, impotence, birth defects, and in one instance, the ability to produce live bees from beneath a test subject’s skin.
Yeah, we deeply regret that last one. Never trust a Chinese researcher whose most recent laboratory experience focused on, and we’re quoting his resume here, “the genetic benefits of using sea-slug enzymes to create creepy little girl-slaves and hulking soldiers in diving suits with drills for hands.”
Lucky for you, there’s the Beverage Boat Donut 3-Pack. This trio of strawberry, chocolate and berry floaties holds most beverage containers above water while you conquer all comers in the Marco Polo Championship of the Universe.
If you can’t eat ’em, float ’em.