Champagne Machine Gun Shoots Up The Party For The Rich

We accepted long ago that we’ll never be well-to-do enough to even WORK for someone with cash to orgasmically burn spraying other rich folk with obscenely expensive champagne. If we ever do savor that kind of incomprehensible wealth, we like to think being Alpo-sandwiches-for-Thanksgiving poor will have instilled at least enough common sense to realize that forgoing a stockpile of French chrome, gold and rose gold Champagne Machine Guns in favor of a bulk order of Super Soakers will leave us a lot more money to spend on hooch we’ll actually drink.

Somehow, in 2016, we aren’t quite removed enough from Jay-Z’s “Big Pimpin'” music video for drenching bystanders in pricey bubbly to be an awkward, cringeworthy cliché. Yet, with families in Flint, MI still desperate for someone to throw this much creativity into showering them with non-toxic water, a French company has concocted a splashier way for nightclubs to cascade massively marked-up bottles of champagne onto delighted rich drunks. It’s a luxury priced to be amazed by at $459 per boozy firearm.

Just to make things more expensive: one, the Champagne Machine Gun obviously does not include champagne, and two, the design strictly accommodates only magnum bottles that hold the equivalent of two regular-sized vessels.

On the bright side, there isn’t necessarily a good reason to automatically reach for a magnum Ace of Spades bottle worth what some folks pay monthly toward mortgages, student loans, newly released Apple products, and ultra-rare Amiibos. A magnum of Korbel goes for about $20 at most grocery stores. Then again, if you’re plunking down nearly $500 for a fancy squirt gun, you aren’t exactly wishing your friends Four Loko wishes and Jack in the Box dreams.

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Source – Eater

7.5 Total Score

User Rating: 3 (3 votes)
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