Captain America Civil War Shield Backpack Protects Our Goods With Everlasting Freedom

C’mon, everybody. We know you know the words.

“When Captain America wears his backpack shield,
On his back, it’ll keep his soda and snacks concealed!

If he’s on the go,
He can watch Hulu,
‘Cause his laptop and phone and tablet come, too
In Captain America’s padded backpack shield.”

Seriously, could you ask for anything more awe-inspiring to tote your goods around inside than a nigh-indestructible vibranium shield developed by the pioneering defense engineers of Stark Industries? Neither could we. Unfortunately, we ran headlong into the realizations that vibranium doesn’t exist and second mortgages on all of our homes combined wouldn’t be enough for a down payment on a backpack made of the most comparably durable metal.

Fortunately, what the ThinkGeek-exclusive Captain America Civil War Shield Backpack lacks in offensive and defensive structural advantages, it makes up for by just being goddamn cool. Its hard plastic outer shield mimics Steve Rogers’ trusty weapon right down to its classic adjustable carrying straps in the style of Cap’s uniform and does provide a sturdy outer layer protecting anything carried in the spacious double-zipper main pocket and two accessory pockets. Its cushioned back even resembles the design of MCU Cap’s uniformed torso.

Speaking of the backpack’s insides, the padded tablet/laptop pocket is indeed a godsend for techies on the go who find traditional messenger-style bags just a bit awkward on bike commutes or when already packing enough books to re-stock an Amazon warehouse.