Before & After 5 Coffee and Wine Glass: Because Time Spent Doing Dishes Is Time NOT Spent Drinking

Look, we know each other closely enough by this point for frank admissions to our shortcomings: we are neither grand scientific minds nor meticulous, inventive efficiency gurus.

We have neither the time nor inclination to gather the data it would take to measure how much time our readers probably lose every single day and evening combined rinsing several mugs or glasses instead of drinking from them. What we really do well, is guess. Our “guess-timation” acumen is rivaled only by one: Suzy McCord, and she knows as well as we do that she cheated to win that purple Tamagotchi in the fourth grade by guessing how many jelly beans were in that mason jar on Mrs. Jacoby’s desk.

That’s your cross to bear, Suzy. Doo-Doo Head.

Before and After 5 Glass 2

We feel certain even Suzy would agree with us that every minute washing separate coffee mugs and wine glasses equates at least two or three sips of coffee or Pain-Go-Bye-Bye Juice not taken. If we were to extrapolate that over the course of a lifetime, the sum is a an estimated whole lot of caffeine and alcohol that we don’t get to drink.

Would that we weren’t banned from Nobel Prize voting for a combination of continually recommending an award for achievement in the field of “Awesome” and constantly nominating Wile E. Coyote for his innovative applications of dynamite, we would stump hard for the inventors of the Before & After 5 Glass.

This one-piece, dual-ended piece of stemware brilliantly combines the day’s two most cherished drinking vessels into one magnificent way to tell time. Simply fill the “Before 5” coffee-mug end with your personal best part of waking up and try to make sense of why you never, at any point in your day, look as polished as NBC’s Today hosts do before 7 a.m. After five, flip both the script and this piece to the opposite end and let the Two Buck Chuck wash the day away.

Go on. Put more stuff in the thing the stuff goes in.

Before and After 5 Glass 1

8.5 Total Score
The Last Glass You'll Ever Need

User Rating: 3.15 (3 votes)
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