Batman Poncho Strikes Terror Into The Hearts Of Rainy Days In Gotham

You aren’t Batman. Got it? We aren’t judging; not one of us is Batman, either. Thing is, plenty of people rate pretty highly among the surprisingly illustrious Not-Batman ranks.

Take Dick Grayson, for example. He was the first Robin, and by Batman’s own eventual admission, pretty much the world’s second-greatest detective. He grew up and first became Nightwing and then an undercover spy. Along the way, he had a very serious romance with Barbara Gordon.

Speaking of Babs, she isn’t Batman, either. She took up the mantle of Batgirl right under the nose of her father, Commissioner Gordon, and had a celebrated run of her own as a member of the Bat Family before the Joker snipped her spinal cord with a bullet. She then became the wheelchair-bound hacker and reconnaissance phenom Oracle, eventually regained the use of her legs, and arguably kicked more ass after reclaiming her vigilante legacy than ever before.

So you’ll never be worthy of wearing that iconic cowl. Don this one-size-fits-all waterproof Batman poncho the next time you have no choice but to venture out into a dreary Gotham-esque stormy night, and you can brave whatever crosses your path in honor of the Bat Family without having to fake your own death like Dick, be rendered paraplegic like Babs, or so irritate comic fans that they vote you right into having your brains beaten in with a crowbar by the Joker…like Jason Todd.

Now that we really think of it that way, why in the name of Bob Kane would ANYONE want to be part of the Bat Family? You know who really had his mess figured out? Archie.

Be like Archie, kids.