At least once a day, we wish we could inspire the sort of urine-soaked fear that scarred our childhood when Eight-Year-Old Us saw “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” and had to be reassured for three days straight afterward that Christopher Lloyd couldn’t really make his eyes pop forward out of their sockets, that he was just Doc Brown pretending to be a bad guy, and no, that didn’t mean Marty McFly was dissolving somewhere in a vat of Dip.
We were eight years old, OK? We also thought we could destroy Billy Sanders with Kamehameha Wave any time we wanted on the playground.
With these Awooga Eye-Popping Glasses, we can now embrace the dream of scaring the terrified piss out of toddlers just exactly the way Judge Doom ruined many a pair of our pajamas 26 years ago. The cartoonish plastic eyes bug out 2 3/4″ inches from the frames and create a perfectly apropos reaction to every moment from watching the stripper twins next door sun-bathing this summer to hoping their linebacker-sized boyfriends share our childhood phobia of Christopher Lloyd when they show up at our doorstep to kick our asses.