From Altaïr Ibn-La’Ahad to Jacob and Evie Frye, there’s but one achievement more impressive to us than the sheer stealthy skill the Order of Assassins has honed over centuries of keeping the rival Templars from absolute global dominance, one 100-foot-plus suicidal swan-dive at a time: inconspicuously toting about an ever-evolving and expanding arsenal without their ludicrous parkour ever losing a step.
Not every stealthy hero is quite so slick, mind you. Most just have to settle for bullshit contrivance to raise the ceilings on their available weaponry. As a result, Batman must be carrying a pocket dimension or two around his waist in that Deus Ex Machina dispenser he calls a “utility belt”. Meanwhile, for all the gear he schleps on his back at any given time with a seemingly limitless inventory and not a hernia to show for it, Solid Snake probably kills time between missions bouncing Manhattan around on his feet like a beach ball.
The Assassins, though? We’ve always loved the reasonable balance between cleverly concealed instruments of death and limiting their impressive carrying capacity to a level that maximizes their mobility. We’re similarly grounded, and mercifully, the designers of this Assassin’s Creed Laptop Backpack seem to get that.
Think of your laptop as a sword, halberd, flail, or some other greater two-handed weapon Ezio Auditore or Edward Kenway would need to carry in comfort. It’s as necessary as any equipment you’ll employ all day, but far from the only tool of your trade. There are phones, pens, notebooks, your wallet, keys, and that’s before even taking various and sundry “curative” items such as water and snacks into account. This rugged bicast leather and double-tough polyester pack secures your laptop within a dedicated compartment surrounded by the roomy main padding to keep big, heavy books and other goods from giving your tech a beatdown in transit. Elsewhere, stash smaller necessities such as thumb drives, loose change, cash, and the like in its dual zip-up side pockets and quartet of front pockets. There’s even a clear sleeve designed for a conveniently displayed ID, should you need to keep one close at hand.
Of course, the Assassin’s Creed Laptop Backpack is all about comfort as much as smart convenience. Thus, the ergonomically padded shoulder straps. Not that we recommend rooftop free-running as a pedestrian route, but whether you cruise along on a bike or take your life into your hands jumping from the top of St. Peter’s Basilica into a hay bale, you’ll be spared nasty red welts across your shoulders.