Ever dive so deep into speculative fiction you wish desperately that you never had to come back up for some real-world air?
Well, then when it’s time to line your shelves with your favorite portkeys to innumerable unknown worlds beyond reality – or, as you mortal things know them, “books” – mark that gateway to your escape accordingly with these Alien Abduction Bookends from ThinkGeek. Admit it: you wouldn’t need much more than a no-probing guarantee safeguarding your nethers in order for you to go quite willingly, no sleep-paralysis and tractor beams necessary.
OK, so the tractor beams would still be fun. In any event, you’d go along pretty quietly at the promise of being spirited off this rock to see untold galaxies of wonder. Let these two black metal silhouette bookends depicting a spaceship’s assault on some unnamed metropolis below on one end and the kidnapping of an inevitably soon-to-be-mutilated cow on the other serve as a notice to all otherworldly visitors: “I CALL SHOTGUN! Otherwise, Human Specimen demands to experiment on at least one Kardashian.”