Why Mince Words? Screw insincere pleasantries. You barely mustered the wherewithal to actually wrap that Rabbi-shaped vibrator you got stuck with after playing Yankee Swap at your company Christmas party last year at all. No way will you go above and beyond to pen a few lines of sentimental well-wishing crap in the name of sappy sentiment.
Fortunately, this Abusive Gift Wrap says in swanky gold foil exactly what you were really thinking while dressing up your token of esteem: “Happy Fucking Whatever.” Each set includes four sizable sheets and gift cards, but you might as well pick up a few packs at a time. After all, birthdays and holiday gatherings come along only once a year…every year, for the rest of your life. If you know you can’t be bothered to make a charming impression, at least make a lasting one.
After all, however you doll up your gift, your festive adornment inevitably ends up in a trash heap. You might as well let it say what you really mean for the whole five minutes or so it lasts.