21 Retro Cereals From the 80’s & 90’s From Our Youth We Miss

Name: Morning Sugar Memories
Item: 21 Retro Cereals From the 80's & 90's From Our Youth We Miss
Rating: 8.5
Author: Jason Lazarus

Jason Lazarus September 17, 2015 980

Every now and again, ignorance truly does become bliss. Today’s youth whose coddled tastebuds have never known the sugary, delectable embrace of these 21 bygone breakfast cereals never have to know the longing that comes with remembering what a wonderful treat breakfast once was.

Nostalgia is no blue-moon craze. It’s more of a weather pattern, a rising and receding tide. There’s always a yearning from the elder and a fascinated kitsch fetish among the youth for another era’s sensibilities. Anyone who didn’t come of age in junior high or highschool in the late ’90s missed the tidal wave of euphoria this past week when Coca-Cola made the formal announcement over a year in the long-anticipated making: Surge, the long-lost, once-removed goofy step-cousin of Mountain Dew and Mello Yello, would follow up its limited-batch revival tour of online merchants will a full-fledged return to brick-and-mortar store shelves.

That announcement rode on the back of Nickelodeon announcing coming revivals of its Nicktoons lineup’s most beloved staples, such as RUGRATS, HEY ARNOLD! and ROCKET POWER. Before that? The news that rabid fans successfully crowd-funded the return of Clearly Canadian flavored water.

Here’s where we grow a bit baffled, though.

How are cereal brands NOT on the fast track back to our grocery carts? We are at the precipice of what looks to be a full-fledged resurrection of the GHOSTBUSTERS brand, with a fresh reboot starring Kristen Wiig and Melissa McCarthy on the near horizon and the long-proposed proper sequel enjoying more momentum now than in the previous decades in which it’s become the stuff of legend. In months, we’ll all be basking in a seventh STAR WARS movie. Nintendo stuffs every successive SUPER SMASH BROS. iteration with even more classic alumni than the last – now, with super-rare interactive collectible figuirines.

Hell, we’ve watched four increasingly terrible TRANSFORMERS movies gross the equal to some third-world countries’ national debts and endured two cringe-worthy G.I. JOE movies that each somehow managed to do pretty damn well themselves. Two blockbuster-hit SMURFS movies. JEM AND THE HOLOGRAMS on the way.

C’mon General Mills, et al. These sweet confections were forged in a toyetic era of stoking feverish intellectual property demand with crossover merch-whoring. You mean to tell us that a citrus soda that might as well now be rebranded “Slurm” can rise from the grave, but NOBODY believes there’s an exponential mint to be made unearthing these classics so grown men and women in their thirties can once more get cozy in our jammies on Saturday mornings with a full four hours of cartoons on Netflix before us?

Don’t even get us started on the deplorable acts we would commit to guarantee the return of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Pies and WWE Superstar Ice Cream Bars….